There are many red flags you'll know to watch for when you're in a relationship… but you'll be shocked at how many of those red flags you can actually catch right at the outset. And by the outset, we literally mean date #1. Watch for these specific signs on your very first dinner date or movie night with a new, potential partner and you'll know some big personality trouble lies ahead…
1. They talk about their ex too much (...and unfavourably)
If their former partner is constantly coming up in conversation on Date One, you’d best believe they will come up all the time. Their ex is clearly still very much a part of the picture, and unless you consider yourself a magnet for drama–and would like to continue to be one– it's best to treat an obsession with an ex as a point of concern. What would make this even worse was them talking that ex down, calling them crazy and blaming them for everything that went wrong in the relationship — a true harbinger of what’s to come if you stick around
2. They are rude to the wait staff
A pretty solid marker of nice a person is, how they speak to and treat people that serve them and work for them. If you find your date snapping at the waiters at the restaurant, being rude to the concierge, signalling for the check disrespectfully, or tipping them ungenerously even though they have been nothing but kind all evening, you have a very good idea of how kind and generous this person is themselves.
3. They are overly critical
“The food at this place has really gone down.” “I can't stand how crowded this area has now become.” “I feel like Gen-Z kids really have no work ethic.” If you find your evening peppered with a litany of complaints, you will find most of your dating life peppered with that exact same litany of complaints. When a person is critical–or overcritical–by nature that seeps into just about everything…
4. They’re late (and unapologetic)
Obviously, we will forgive somebody getting stuck in terrible traffic and being about 15 minutes late to the date; provided they come in in a flurry of apologies, of course. But, if your date is shamelessly late, and doesn't really feel the need to explain himself beyond a casual shrug and half-hearted apology, you can be pretty sure your time won't be respected in the future.
5. They expect you to pay
This is not a gendered thing. Man, woman, or non-binary, any decent, self-respecting person should offer to either pick up the tab or go Dutch. For them to simply expect you to pick up the tab without any discussion or explanation is disrespectful, and comes from the assumption that you should pay, and is one of the red flags to watch for. It is 100% the kind of thing that will lead to financial arguments later in your relationship.
6. They are constantly on their phone
It is literally your first date. To expect their attention–even if it's not completely undivided– is only fair. If your date is constantly looking at the screen while you are trying to have a conversation with him, it signals both a lack of interest and a lack of respect for your story and your attention. Find someone who will value both instead.
7. They disregard your boundaries
You said you really don't feel like trying their fish, but they scooped up a spoonful and put it on your plate anyway. You were clear that you would rather take a cab home because you had an early morning, but they insist on dropping you; off after you come back for a nightcap. If somebody decides not to listen and instead charges ahead with what works best for them, you can be damn sure your opinions are not going to be particularly respected in that relationship. Red flags are a-waving.
8. They talk about themselves too much
It is absolutely zero fun dating a narcissist. But, luckily, you can spot the signs pretty much instantly. if your date has comfortably gone a length of time, Talking only about things that they enjoy, care about, or are working on without even bothering to ask you questions about yourself, the things you enjoy and the things that you care about and are working on, then we have a pretty solid idea who is going to be the main character in that relationship.
9. They neg
What negging essentially means is “insult or undermine (someone) in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances.”. Psychology Today offers a couple of examples of what that can look like:
“You look good for your age.”
“You’re cute but would be so much hotter if you let your hair grow out.”
“I’m not usually into curvy women, but you’re attractive.”
No thank you for this.
10. They’re pushy about sex
Sorry, but absolutely nothing makes up for somebody, not understanding consent completely. If you feel at any point in the afternoon or evening that you are with this person that they do not fully comprehend your sexual boundaries– or even make an attempt to actually push past them– you simply must make sure that is never a second date.
