Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (2024)

What is the acceptable minimum age for a dating partner? When this question comes up in conversation, someone inevitably cites the half your age plus seven rule. This rule states that by dividing your own age by two and then adding seven you can find the socially acceptable minimum age of anyone you want to date.

So if you’re a 24-year-old, you can feel free to be with anyone who is at least 19 (12 + 7) but not someone who is 18.1 The (lesser-applied) other side of the rule defines a maximum age boundary: Take your age, subtract 7, and double it. So for a 24-year-old, the upper age limit would be 34 (17 * 2). With some quick math, the rule provides a minimum and maximum partner age based on your actual age that, if you choose to follow it, you can use to guide your dating decisions.

A Chart of the Rule's Max and Min Partner Age Discrepancies Based on a Person's Actual Age

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (1)

The utility of this equation? It lets you chart acceptable age discrepancies that adjust over the years. According to the rule, for example, a 30-year-old should be with a partner who is at least 22, while a 50-year-old’s dating partner must be at least 32 to not attract (presumed) social sanction.

But how legitimate is this rule? Does it match our scientific understanding of age-related preferences for dating? Does it always apply? Should it ever?

Let's examine it.

How well does the rule reflect scientific evidence for age preferences?

Researchers Buunk and colleagues (2000) asked men and women to identify the ages they would consider when evaluating someone for relationships of different levels of involvement. People reported distinct age preferences for marriage; a serious relationship; falling in love; casual sex; and sexual fantasies. Did they follow “the rule?"

Based on the figures Buunk and colleagues (2000) provided (and thus the numbers are only informed approximations), I replotted their data superimposing the max and min age ranges defined by the half-your-age-plus-7 rule. Now we can see how well the rule corresponds with people’s reported acceptable ages.

Men’s preferred minimum partner age: Let’s start with minimum age preferences reported by heterosexual men. In Figure 1, the solid black line represents the rule’s calculation for the minimum acceptable range. You can see that men are basically operating by the rule for minimum age preferences for marital relationships (blue bars) and serious dating relationships (yellow bars). Those age preferences consistently hover around the values denoted by the rule (the black line). If anything, in practice, men are more conservative when it comes to preferred marriage, preferring a minimum age higher than the rule would say is OK.

Figure 1: Male Participants' Minimum Preferred Partner Age as Compared to the Rule

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (2)

When it comes to sexual fantasies, however, men have minimum age preferences that are younger than the rule would designate appropriate. For example, this sample of 60-year-old men reports that it is acceptable to fantasize about women in their 20s, which the rule would say is unacceptable. But fantasies, of course, are not generally subject to public scrutiny and the rule is only designed to calculate what is socially acceptable in the public eye—so this discrepancy is not necessarily a failure of the rule.

For rule-related involvement (relationships), 60-year-old men are stating that the minimum acceptable age is around 40, which does map much more closely to the rule’s predictions.

Men’s preferred maximum partner age: The rule states that you can calculate maximum acceptable partner ages by subtracting seven from your own age and multiplying it by two. Figure 2 clearly shows that the rule’s max-age guidelines for men do not reflect real-world preferences. The rule overestimates the perceived acceptability of men becoming involved with older women. Men do not show a linear increase in maximum age preference that matches the rule’s predictions. Instead, men report maximum acceptable partner ages that hover around their own age through their 40s. After 40, maximum age preferences for most categories remain lower than their own age. Thus the rule for maximum age is fairly ineffective at capturing what men actually believe is acceptable.

Figure 2: Male Participants' Maximum Preferred Partner Age as Compared to the Rule

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (3)

Case Study: George Clooney. Now let's apply the rule to actual dating behavior by examining George Clooney’s dating habits. Clooney has been scrutinized at times for dating younger women, though not consistently, and this pattern is nicely reflected in a graph of his own age, his partners’ ages, and the rule’s calculations for minimum and maximum acceptable ages. Only twice has he become involved with women whose ages were outside the rule’s guidelines. He approached the line with two other partners but is well within the threshold in his marriage with Amal Alamuddin.

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (4)

Does the rule work for women?

The minimum rule (half-your-age-plus-seven) seems to work for men, although the maximum rule falls short, failing to reflect empirical age-related preferences. How well does the rule capture women’s preferences?

Women’s preferred minimum partner age: Below are the data from Buunk et al.’s (2000) study on women’s minimum age preferences; the rule’s age calculations are represented by the solid line. In general, the figure shows that women are reporting minimum age preferences that exceed the rule’s predictions. In other words, while the rule states that 40-year-old women can feel comfortable dating 27-year-old men, this does not reflect the social preferences and standards of women. Women in their 40s think that approximately 35 or older is acceptable for marriage or a relationship. Even when fantasizing, such women’s minimum age preference remains over 30. The rule’s calculated minimum acceptable partner ages seem to fit men better than women.

Figure 3: Female Participants' Minimum Preferred Partner Age as Compared to the Rule

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (5)

Women’s preferred maximum partner age: Examining maximum preferences, again the rule is more lenient, offering an age range with which most people are not comfortable. The rule states that it is acceptable for 30-year old women to date men who are up to 46 years old, but in reality, 30-year-old women state that their max acceptable partner age would be less than 40 (around 37). The rule underestimates women’s reported preferences in their 20s, but the gap between reports of what is socially acceptable and the rule itself widens over time.

Figure 4: Female Participants' Maximum Preferred Partner Age as Compared to the Rule

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (6)

Case Study: Demi Moore. Let’s take a look at Demi Moore, who at times has been criticized for dating men who differ substantially from her own age. As you can see from the graph, one partner exceeded the rule’s calculated acceptable maximum age, while Ashton Kutcher’s age fell short of the socially acceptable minimum age when they first started dating in 2003. By the time of their separation in 2011, however, Kutcher, then 33 had crossed the minimum threshold (31.5) defined by the rule.

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (7)

How effective is the rule?

Curious outsiders are quick to judge when they can see a wide age gap between two romantic partners. Maybe this is why the rule is so appealing. In a world in which many social norms are often unspoken, the half-your-age-plus-7 rule concretely defines a boundary.

But the rule does not map perfectly onto actual reports of what is socially acceptable. At times it is too stringent, but most often it appears too lenient, condoning age pairings with which most people are not comfortable. So if you are following the half-your-age-plus-7 rule, know that it may not be perfect or truly mirror age-related preference. You might also take care to refer to the maximum age judiciously—the minimum age guideline seems to be more on target (and more so for men than women).

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (8)

Source: Carlos Horta/Shutterstock

End Note

When you’re 26, however, this person would be 20 and would be right at the line of your age-minimum threshold (13 + 7). In a few more years, you’ll be 28 and this person will be 22, above your new threshold of 21 (14+7).

References

Buunk, B. P., Dijkstra, P., Kenrick, D. T., & Warntjes, A. (2001). Age preferences for mates as related to gender, own age, and involvement level. Evolution and Human Behavior, 22, 241-250.

Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? (2024)

FAQs

How young is too young for you to date? ›

The real rules about how old and young you can date. The “creepiness rule” states that the youngest you should date is “half your age plus seven.” The less commonly used corollary is that the oldest you should date is “subtract seven from your age and double it.”

What age are you old enough to date? ›

Some pediatricians suggest that kids wait until they're 16 to start this kind of one-on-one dating. That's a good place to start the discussion, but every kid is different. Some are more emotionally mature than others. Some teens come from communities and families where one-on-one dating starts earlier or later.

How do you know if someone is too young to date? ›

This rule states that by dividing your own age by two and then adding seven you can find the socially acceptable minimum age of anyone you want to date. So if you're a 24-year-old, you can feel free to be with anyone who is at least 19 (12 + 7) but not someone who is 18.

Is 24 too young for a 37 year old? ›

37 year olds and 24 year olds are both adults. There is no legal or moral issue. Whether the age gap is an emotional issue is for the two of you to decide. You should also check whether your expectations for a possible relationship match.

How much of an age gap is OK? ›

In short, research seems to indicate that in many cultures, an age gap of 1 to 3 years is considered ideal — but some researchers suggest even a relationship with an age gap of less than 10 years will bring more satisfaction.

Is dating at a young age good or bad? ›

Dating can help build self-esteem, help teens discover who they are, and help build social and relationship skills. Learning how to be part of a healthy relationship is an important skill to develop.

What age gap is too big? ›

A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues. “While there are always exceptions to rules, a good rule to remember is that dating someone more than 10 years older will present challenges now or later that add to the preexisting challenges any relationship has,” he says.

Does dating age matter? ›

Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.

What is the biggest age gap for dating? ›

Gertrude Grubb Janeway (USA, b. 3 July 1909), was 18 when she married 81-year-old Union Civil War veteran, John Janeway on 9 June 1927 – an age difference of 63 years.

Am I too young to find love? ›

On a more serious note though, no, there is not an age where you are too young to fall in love. However, our definitions of love change overtime. So the love you may feel for someone at age fifteen may be drastically different from what you'd feel for someone at thirty-five.

What age is too late to be in a relationship? ›

There is no age limit on dating or falling in love, and no matter how old you are, the desire to find that someone special still remains. The main thing is to stay hopeful, and to put yourself out there.

How do you tell if she's too young for you? ›

15 Signs She's Too Young For You!
  1. She's Working… But Not Towards Any Goals. ...
  2. She's Never Seen Roots. ...
  3. She Doesn't Actually Remember Cash Money Taking Over For The '99 and 2000s. ...
  4. She Actually Considers This Guy A Rapper. ...
  5. Her Life Revolves Around Social Media. ...
  6. She Doesn't Know What These Are.
May 28, 2016

Is 28 too old to be single? ›

Being 28 and single is not a bad thing. Society, friends, culture, all ask the question, “When are you going to get married?” Don't rush to make a lifelong commitment that will change your life forever. If you don't have children my advice is. Babies change your life.

Do older guys fall in love faster? ›

Many men actually fall in love pretty fast On average, it can take a man a few months (around 88 days,) before he's in love. Of course, it depends on the man. Often a younger man falls in love faster, while an older man may take a while.

Is dating in your 30s harder? ›

Some aspects of dating in your 30s make the process harder—such as a shrinking candidate pool. You can no longer meet potential partners at school and probably aren't attending parties and social gatherings as often. These are hot spots for fresh encounters.

What age is a cougar? ›

According to the Urban Dictionary, which lists many definitions of cougar too unsavory to print, the cougar woman is generally at least 35 — and always on the hunt — while many of the Hollywood and tabloid depictions put the women in their 40s, 50s and even 60s.

Is it okay to marry a girl 2 years older than you? ›

Finally, there is really no rule about "optimal age gap in marriage". Age difference of one to five years seems to be optimal for most couples, the female spouse being younger.

Is 13 and 16 a big age difference? ›

A significant age difference might differ based on the ages of the people involved. In adulthood, for instance, a 3-year age gap is fairly standard. As a teenager, however, there is a stark difference between a 13-year-old and a 16-year-old. In adulthood, these small numbers are usually not considered an issue.

How do most relationships start? ›

'Friends with benefits'

Of the married couples in the study, two-thirds said they were friends before becoming a couple, but many of the couples also said they were “friends with benefits,” or friends who engage in sexual activity, before being in a fully committed romantic relationship.

Why does age matter in dating? ›

Older partners might enjoy the vitality and physical attractiveness of a younger partner; younger partners can benefit from the status, money, and knowledge of older partners. Do you share the same long-term goals? Long-term relationships of any nature are more successful when couples want the same things.

What is the easiest age gap? ›

Possible benefits of a 3-year age gap

According to some research, you may have the lowest risk of labor complications when you have your second baby around three years after your first. Pregnancy may carry less risk for you and your baby.

Why age gap relationships don t work? ›

“Couples have to make a lot of joint decisions for example, where to live, how many children to have, and how to spend their money. Couples who are more dissimilar, and age difference is one source of dissimilarity, may be less likely to agree on these joint decisions. This will then become a source of conflict.”

What is the smallest age gap? ›

Nine to 10 months age gap is obviously the smallest gap you can have, and can be quite tough but rewarding at the same time. The children are so close in age they will learn a lot about the world together.

Do guys care about age difference? ›

Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.

At what age does dating get harder? ›

By the time we've hit our mid-20s, 30s and 40s, our emotional and physical baggage only grows, and if you're dating within your age range, then that would mean your potential partner has some baggage of their own, creating a sticky situation for your future relationship. #3 It's way harder to meet people.

Do you think age is just a number? ›

Age is just a number that signifies how long a person has lived on earth. This series of numbers don't define who you are, what you have achieved, or what you can still accomplish. One can achieve anything at any age, whether old or young.

How many men has the average woman slept with by age 30? ›

If you want to get into the nitty-gritty details, here's some of the recent research: According to 2011 to 2015 CDC data1 , women between ages 25 and 44 had a median of 4.2 sexual partners, while men in that age group had a median of 6.1 sexual partners.

Is 25 and 20 too big of an age gap? ›

An age gap of 10 years or more is considered a big difference. When one person has a decade more life experience than their partner, the couple might be incompatible. You're likely to have different circles of friends, different interests, and different life goals.

Is 20 years too much of an age gap? ›

The truth is, there is no ideal or appropriate age gap in a relationship. Whether it's a 20 year age gap relationship or a 5 year age gap relationship, there will be both challenges and benefits to your situation.

What is the best age for true love? ›

And, according to the findings, the average age you'll find your partner varies from gender to gender. That's right - the research found that the average woman finds their life partner at the age of 25, while for men, they're more likely to find their soulmate at 28.

What is the best age to fall in love? ›

Most experts agree that the right age to start dating is around 16.

What age is normal to feel love? ›

At 10-14 years, your child might start feeling attracted to others. At 15-19 years, romantic relationships can become central to teenage social lives.

What are some red flags on first date? ›

10 red flags to watch for on a first date
  • They talk about their ex too much (...and unfavourably) ...
  • They are rude to the wait staff. ...
  • They are overly critical. ...
  • They're late (and unapologetic) ...
  • They expect you to pay. ...
  • They are constantly on their phone. ...
  • They disregard your boundaries. ...
  • They talk about themselves too much.
Feb 14, 2023

Why do some people never find love? ›

Confidence and self-esteem play a vital role when it comes to love. However, many people are unable to find love because they don't think they're worthy of having it. These types of beliefs often have roots reaching as far back as early childhood and can have a huge impact on our lives.

Do guys like girls younger than them? ›

Do men prefer younger women? The common belief is yes. Nevertheless, a study in Finland on age differences in partners shows that men might state interest in younger women but actually end up with women more or less their age.

At what age having a girlfriend is OK? ›

It's important to consider your child as an individual. Consider their emotional maturity and sense of responsibility. For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two.

What age do girls start liking? ›

First crushes may occur at any time, but generally start at around 10-13 years of age. They are an important step in developing normal and healthy romantic relationships, and provide opportunities to learn how to compromise and communicate.

Is it OK to be single at 32? ›

Being single in your 30s doesn't mean you weren't with someone you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. It also doesn't mean you'll stay single for the rest of your life too. But for now, as long as it takes to find the right one, you're single and life is easy.

Is it OK to be single at 35? ›

Yes… I'm 35 & Single

Are you in your mid-thirties and still single? If you are, you're not alone. About 56% of people in their thirties are married, while the other 44% of thirty-somethings are single.

Is dating in late 20s hard? ›

Dating in one's late 20s can be a challenging and often overwhelming experience. The shift in societal norms, the dwindling pool of eligible partners, and the heightened focus on personal and professional goals are just a few of the factors that contribute to the difficulties of dating in this age range.

Do guys prefer younger or older? ›

A 2020 large-scale mate preference study across 45 countries showed that men prefer younger and attractive women while women prefer older and financially stable men (1).

At what age man is most attractive? ›

Furthermore, a data dive by Christian Rudder, co-founder of OkCupid, has used surveys to find the male age women find attractive above all others. The result? Between 38 and 39.

What triggers love in a man? ›

Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.

What percentage of 30 year olds are single? ›

Among those 18 to 29 years of age, 63% of men versus 34% of women considered themselves single. This dropped to 25% of men and 17% of women for those 30 to 49 years of age.

How can you tell if a woman is single? ›

Signs that reveal she's single
  1. She's full of eye contact. ...
  2. She's making eye contact with you and smiling. ...
  3. She's talking to every guy in the bar. ...
  4. She looks at other couples with sadness. ...
  5. Her body language says it all. ...
  6. Arms crossed, standing back. ...
  7. She's a chatterbox. ...
  8. Out with the girls...again.
Dec 23, 2009

Do 90% of relationships that start before 30 end? ›

He comments “people are more in love with the idea of love than the person they are with.” He believes the 90% of relationships started before the ago of 30 that end can be attributed to people who never took the time to learn how to be alone.

How young is too young to date at 40? ›

The dating age rule to determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners goes something like this: half your age plus seven (40 = 20 +7 = 27) to define the minimum age of a partner and your age minus seven times two (40 = 33 * 2 = 60) to define the maximum age of a partner.

Is dating at 14 too young? ›

It can be scary to find out that your child has started dating for the first time, and you may be wondering what this should look like—or whether it's even okay in the first place. Rest assured that it's totally normal for a 14-year-old to be interested in dating, and this is a healthy, important part of growing up.

Is dating at 15 too young? ›

It's important to consider your child as an individual. Consider their emotional maturity and sense of responsibility. For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two.

How big of an age gap is too big? ›

A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues. “While there are always exceptions to rules, a good rule to remember is that dating someone more than 10 years older will present challenges now or later that add to the preexisting challenges any relationship has,” he says.

Is 30 too old to date? ›

"Love can happen at any age. Don't pressure yourself so much, and don't allow singleness to make you believe that there's something wrong with you." Moyo adds, "You're not late. There's no rule book that says dating has to start and end at a certain age.

Should I let my 12 year old daughter have a boyfriend? ›

Typically, it's best for children under 13 not to engage in romantic relationships as they are still developing emotionally and cognitively. Healthy friendships are encouraged for teenagers between 13 and 15, but romantic relationships could be too much for them to handle.

Can a 14 year old date a 19 year old? ›

A 14 or 15 year old can consent to sexual activity as long as the partner is less than five years older and there is no relationship of trust, authority or dependency or any other exploitation of the young person.

Is it okay to kiss at 14? ›

Kiss someone when you feel ready, regardless of how old you are. Around ages 12-15, people often start having their first kiss. Don't feel pressured by other people your age kissing people, and don't rush into kissing someone if you are apprehensive. You'll know intuitively when the time feels right.

Is 18 dating 15 wrong? ›

In a Nutshell: Sex between an 18 year-old and a 15 year-old is illegal in California, meaning any touching of “private parts” of either, even with consent of both parties (and perhaps even the parents of each teenager) is illegal in California because the age of consent is 18.

What age do boys like girls? ›

Some kids may start expressing interest in having a boyfriend or girlfriend as early as age 10 while others are 12 or 13 before they show any interest. The key is for parents to remember that the tween years are a time of transition.

Is it OK to date at 12? ›

There's no one age when people “should” start dating — plenty of people don't start until their late teens or after, and some people start earlier.

Does age matter in a relationship? ›

Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.

What is the highest age gap? ›

Gertrude Grubb Janeway (USA, b. 3 July 1909), was 18 when she married 81-year-old Union Civil War veteran, John Janeway on 9 June 1927 – an age difference of 63 years.

Is 21 and 18 weird? ›

In fact, it's quite normal. Most college students are around the ages of 18-22, so it's not uncommon to see a 21 year old and a 18 year old in a relationship. Plus, the age gap between the two is very small. Both ages most likely share similar maturity, interests, and goals as well.

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