I don’t know if there is much in parenting more controversial than infant sleep. It tends to engender strong emotions in people. As such it is a topic I tend to avoid. However, it is also a topic I get a lot of questions on, particularly on the use of the floor bed. I decided to speak with someone who has extensively studied infant sleep and works in the field. I am grateful to Lucy Bagwell of Second Star to the Right Sleep for speaking with me on the topic.
Lucy, like many parents, became interested in infant sleep after the birth of her son who is now 3 1/2 years old. Dealing with his sleep challenges she, also like many parents, turned to Google where she was faced with conflicting advice. About a year later, however, she decided to delve deeper. Interested in changing careers and still deeply interested in infant sleep, Lucy decided to look into what it would take to train in the field. Searching out a program based on biologically normal infant sleep and responsiveness she came across the Holistic Sleep Coaching Program run by BabyEm and facilitated by Lyndsey Hookway. She now runs her own sleep consulting business that is responsive and does not use any cry-it-out methods.
In our interview below we spoke about normal infant sleep, the Montessori approach, and the floor bed.
Before beginning it is worth noting that the Montessori approach to sleep is not straightforward. Dr. Montessori spoke very highly of the floor bed and negatively of the crib. She felt that children were often forced to sleep more than they actually needed for the convenience of adults and that the floor bed allowed them the valuable freedom of getting up when they were done sleeping. Many Montessori families, however, feel more comfortable using a crib. It is still totally possible to be responsive, follow your child’s lead, and not force a child to sleep more than necessary in a crib. In my Montessori training, we were told that cry-it-out was not respectful of babies because crying is communication.
In terms of cosleeping and nursing to sleep, Dr. Montessori’s writings do not offer much of her thoughts other than a celebration of the mothering she saw in India, a place where cosleeping and nursing-on-demand were the norms. Her successor who worked with her on the infant program and continued it after Montessori’s passing recommended early weaning and only breastfeeding for nutrition. Carine Robin of Montessori Family UK and an AMI certified Montessori Guide made the observation that during that era there were safety concerns about cosleeping and breastfeeding and we now have more information about the safety of the practices. Many Montessori families choose to cosleep and nurse to sleep.
An overarching principle of Montessori that can be applied to sleep is “follow the child.” In Montessori, we are encouraged to give as much help as necessary and as little as needed. This requires observation of the individual child. Some babies may happily sleep independently. For others, nursing to sleep and cosleeping may be the best option. As each child is different each approach to sleep should be too.
Now for my interview with Lucy. Lucy is located in the U.K. For safe-sleep guidance she follows Lullaby Trust. For cosleeping she recommends the Safe Sleep 7. Different countries have different guidance.
First, can you tell me what it means to be a gentle and holistic infant sleep consultant?
Working holistically means to be taking the whole picture into account. Sleep isn’t just about sleep and no two children are the same. So it’s a very bespoke service. I explore sleep, stimulation, wind down, medical histories, feeding etc. All of these things are connected and it’s about making sure no stone is left unturned.
In terms of ‘gentle’, this is a very subjective term unfortunately and many profess to be it when I would question otherwise. But for me it means being truly responsive. We don’t need to be frightened of crying, but we do need to understand that it’s communication. And to that end we should never ignore it. If someone, for whatever reason, wants or needs to make certain changes then it’s about making sure we never expect a child to understand or tolerate these changes alone or without being fully supported.
Is sleep a skill babies need to learn?
No. This is such a widely perpetuated misconception and causes so many parents stress trying to teach the unteachable. Babies slept in the womb. We also can’t make babies go to sleep. It is our job to create a calm and supportive environment so that if they are tired they will sleep. But actually by removing the pressure to teach or create sleep, parents sometimes find that the natural calm of that released responsibility means sleep comes more easily.
Floor beds are part of many Montessori homes. What are your thoughts on floor beds for infants and young toddlers?
I think they are a fantastic set up for many, but like anything, they aren’t right for all families. There are various reasons why a family wouldn’t be drawn to a floor bed and the two main reasons I’ve come across are - Safety (baby proofing a room fully) and their expectations of what sleep ‘should’ look like. So many simply expect their baby to sleep in a cot and so it’s a shock when their baby struggles with this so much. In my line of work, the floor bed comes up more in terms of ease of sleep rather than specifically for the Montessori purposes. And I find with certain temperaments the floor bed is far more successful than a cot. Simply the lack of confinement that the cot represents, the ease of resettling for the parent (no need to transfer) and the ability to bed-share as and when necessary.
Dr. Maria Montessori felt that a floor bed was great for young children because it allowed them to go to sleep when tired and get up when rested. She wrote that children should not be forced to sleep more than necessary. How does this align with our understanding now on infant sleep? Do some babies need less sleep than might be considered the norm?
Absolutely. The amount of sleep needed within a 24 hour period can be extremely variable child to child. And something you simply cannot do is make a child sleep for more hours than they literally need. So, for example, many people tell parents that their child absolutely must have a two hours lunch nap. This causes parents great stress because their child just won’t do it. This is absolutely fine, as a two hour nap just simply isn’t what every child needs. The same applies to nighttime sleep and the concept of the 12 hour night. This simply is not achievable for many babies and children and it doesn’t signify there being a problem. The average is in fact 10-11 hours.
At what age can babies be in a floor bed?
A floor bed can be used from any age. Under 6 months a baby should sleep in the same room as their parent or carer so they would either be bed-sharing or sleeping on a floor bed next to the parental bed.
Can parents switch their baby/toddler from a crib to a floor bed at any time? What ages would you say are the most difficult to make that switch?
Yes, the switch can absolutely be made at any time and there isn’t a specific right or wrong time. Sometimes switching with young toddlers can be challenging down to the lack of impulse control. It can make bedtime harder when they aren’t used to having the physical freedom of a floor bed. When a family is discussing moving from cot to toddler bed for example, I do suggest sticking with the cot as long as they fit and are not climbing out. But if there have been continuous struggles with the cot, I would say trying a floor bed can always be a worthwhile move.
What safety concerns should be taken into consideration when using floor beds with infants?
Firstly, all of the basic age-appropriate safe sleep guidelines should still be followed and if you are bed-sharing in the floor bed, those guidelines should also be followed. Outside of that, first and foremost the room must be totally baby/toddler safe. No loose wires, blind/curtain strings, furniture that can be moved or could topple (for safety bolt to the walls if possible). In an ideal situation the floor bed should be far enough away from the wall so should a baby or toddler roll off the bed they couldn’t get stuck between the two.
One aspect of a floor bed is babies and toddlers are able to get up if they want. Is it a concern that they may become sleep deprived by choosing to play instead of sleeping?
I think it’s highly unlikely that a child is going to get to the point of sleep deprivation just because of a floor bed and the freedom that represents. For most children, a focused wind down in the form of a bedtime or pre-nap routine can absolutely help them settle for sleep, and this would be relevant for a floor bed as well as any sleep set up. Some children would quite happily continue playing past the point of being tired if there was no parent-led wind-down or indication it’s sleep time, but just because a family is using a floor bed it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t also be doing this.
I also think it’s important to note that a floor bed set up is simply the norm in many places around the world and having a cot can be a privilege. To that end, it would be a little crazy to think all those children are sleep-deprived.
Essentially the answer is no.
We have a floor bed and something I love about it is I am able to nurse my son to sleep more easily. Can you talk a bit about nursing to sleep? Is there anything to worry about with it?
Absolutely not. There’s a widely spread misconception that feeding to sleep is a negative sleep association, a rod for your own back, and will essentially mean your child will never sleep well because of it. People might hear that if you feed to sleep then their child will need that at every single sleep cycle. But it’s just a wild untruth. I’ve worked with countless families who feed to sleep and that little one goes on to sleep well. And I’ve also worked with many families whose little ones fall asleep independently but then wake frequently. So it’s simply not the be all and end all like some profess.
Feeding to sleep is biologically very normal. It’s naturally soporific and extremely connection heavy. Please don’t worry about it being a bad habit.
What would you consider the greatest misconception about infant sleep these days?
Gosh, there are too many to count. A lot of what I find frustrating about the general sleep advice that exists is how generic it is. It implies that all babies need basically the same thing. But, as we know, all babies are individuals and should be treated as such. Don’t worry about trying to fit your baby into a generic routine if it’s not working. It’s the routine that is wrong, not your baby.
I also think one of the most damaging pieces of advice is the myth around self-soothing. That a child needs to be taught to self soothe and the way to do that is to leave them to potentially cry for extended periods of time. The part of the brain responsible for true self-regulation (calming oneself down from a heightened state of upset) isn’t fully developed until we are 25. So why do we expect a tiny infant to be able to do this? It’s often confused with self-settling, which is the act of a child falling asleep independently. This is possible but can’t be taught. It occurs when a child has had all of their needs met, including comfort, and they are feeling mellow and safe enough to fall asleep alone. Everyone gets there in their own time but for some they need support to fall asleep for a little longer. This is very normal and not a sign of there being a problem.
Thank you so much for speaking with me, Lucy.
Lucy is based in London, UK. You can find her on her website or on Instagram at @secondstartotheright_sleep
