If you live in California and you are reading this, then you know what In-N-Out is and it’s probably one of your favorite fast food places ever. It’s famous for its simple decor and simple menu, but what really goes on at In-N-Out as told by an In-N-Out spy?
1. The Secret Menu. Is it really so secret? Honestly, the “secret” menu is just different variations of the stuff that is on the menu. You want a grilled cheese from the “secret” menu? Yes, it is no secret that a grilled cheese is a cheeseburger with no meat. You want your burger “protein style,” wrapped in lettuce instead of a bun? Oh boy, I didn’t know burgers could be placed on anything besides buns! So next time you go to whisper stuff you want from the “not so secret menu,” think about how ridiculous you sound.
2. In-N-Out is a Christian company and prints Bible verses on the bottoms of fry boats, cups and bags. What’s the verse on the bottom of a soda cup? John 3:16, a verse about eternal life, written on the bottom of a drink that will probably end your life sooner.
3. Did you enjoy your service at In-N-Out? Well, pretend you are in Europe because you can’t tip. Upon offering a tip, the employee will simply deny it, but if you insist and that employee takes it, it is only to get you to go away. That employee will be watched to make sure he or she puts the tip in a donation fund for the In-N-Out Foundation for kids. Even when a 70-year-old man takes your hand, asks you out and offers you a $100 bill — yes, it has happened — you can’t take it.
4. Do you want onions on that? First of all, when you order a burger, the question will always be, “Do you want onions on that?” So why do returning customers, who know onions come on the burger, never answer that question? Every normal In-N-Out burger will have spread, lettuce, tomato and onion. Oh, you didn’t want onions, tomatoes or lettuce? Well then it’s a darn good thing I asked, or did you expect me to read your mind? And when you order extra onions, we all know you’re single.
5. When going through the drive-thru, if you have stated you will be eating in the car, you will be offered a “lap mat.” Now no matter how many different ways you explain it, no one seems to get the concept of the lap mats. It is a place mat, for your car. When you are driving and spread drips on your favorite pants on your way to a big party, you will regret not getting the lap mat. So stop looking at the employees like they are stupid or make fun of it when they ask.
6. In-N-Out does offer vegetarian options with the grilled cheese and the so-called “veggie” burger, which is basically a bun with spread, lettuce, tomato and onion. So why complain about In-N-Out not having an actual veggie burger? Why didn’t you eat at Amy’s? Or literally any place else?
7. In-N-Out has a common lingo, and it isn’t that hard to pick up. The sauce is called spread, not mayonnaise, animal sauce, secret sauce or even the pink stuff. You wanted a burger by itself and not the meal? Then please, please do not say “I want the No. 1, but just the sandwich.” You are not at Subway, and you can’t have it your way. Call it what it really is: a burger. If you want a milkshake with all three flavors, it is called a Neapolitan shake. If you ask for a Napoleon shake, don’t be offended when asked if you want Napoleon Bonaparte or Dynamite. When you want your fries with cheese, grilled onions and spread, they are not called monster fries, they are most definitely not called doggy-style fries; they are animal fries.
8. In-N-Out does not have bacon, and no matter how many times you say, “Well you guys should really get bacon,” it will not change. The menu and the ingredients have been the same for more than 60 years. You have a better chance at getting bacon by finding your own pig.
In-N-Out loves its customers, despite their flaws. Every day employees are told, “Everything is made possible by the customer.” If you want to help out your local neighborhood In-N-Out by applying these ideas, employees would be so grateful.
