How to be attractive. Not a simple question, but we do know that there’s more than good looks and a thick wallet to making someone want you. When it comes to being attractive there are things you can do even if genetics and your bank balance let you down.
Admit when you’re wrong
Forget big brown eyes, pecs to die for and an unwavering commitment to tantric sex, the ability to admit when you screwed up is by far your quickest passport to attractiveness. Why? Because so many of you refuse to do it. We spend our lives desperately trying to look worldly and clever and in control. We know everything, you can trust us, we’re your go-to guy – but isn’t it exhausting? Admitting you were wrong, or that you didn’t know about something, isn’t weakness; it’s courageous. You’re showing you’re willing too learn, that you’re thirsty for more. Boom. Hot.
Get your hair cut
Now this really is easy. Get yourself to a decent barbershop or salon and build a relationship with a good hairdresser. Get him or her to make notes about what you have done each time, and get it done as often as you can afford. Speaking from personal experience, if you’re not exactly going for gold in the looks department, a good haircut can rescue you. Try out faddish styles if you must, but know when to let them go. Also: acknowledge your dandruff or other scalp issues and try to fix them – they’re not going to go away by themselves. If you feel amazing, you’ll come across as attractive. It’s, like, science or whatever.
Good shoes are a cliché, yes, but some clichés are true
Women are always saying “The first thing I look at when checking out a man is his shoes” and I’m in no position to call that out as rubbish – it’s arse and face first surely, ladies – but I do believe a good shoe can really help. You don’t have to spend loads of money on them, they just have to be clean, fit you properly, be outfit-appropriate and, obviously, not those square-toed nightmares estate agents wore in 2001. Save up and buy yourself an amazing pair of Grensons, or similar; you’ll never look back.
Read more: How to buy rain-beating, office-appropriate shoes
Smell great
I’m obsessed by smelling good. Not only that, but I love to be told how great I smell; it’s a massive buzz. Invest in at least two fragrances – smelling the same all the time is best left to skunks and old dogs – and choose well. Spend as long as you like at the aftershave counter tinkering with the testers. Interrogate the shop assistant and tell them when and where you’ll be wearing it. You can’t really go wrong with a Chanel or a Tom Ford, in my view, so if you’re stuck, just grab one of those.
Know where you’re going and when you need to be there
There’s a time and a place for spontaneity – and that time is never and the place is nowhere. Even doing things off the cuff should involve a bit of planning. A guy who is too random and doesn’t look ahead might seem quirky and adorable, but having clear direction is much more attractive. It’s the smallest of things: get travel plans sorted in advance, don’t wing it when it comes to going out for dinner, don’t just sit and wait for your career to happen. I’m not saying be a Patrick Bateman-type who lives their life to rule, but at least look as if you’re in control. Do it like a swan. Beneath the surface you may well be paddling like hell, but above the water, you should try to exude nothing but calm. That said, you mustn't be afraid to show vulnerability. It takes a real man to admit that maybe his plan didn’t work out for the best – but at least you had one.
Tell others how attractive or interesting they are
A really quick way for someone to be alerted to your attractiveness is to highlight it in others, did you know? Oh, you did? How clever you are; I’ve always thought so. When you point out the good qualities in someone else, you’re encouraging people to think of you in a different way. I’m not even talking only about romance; it works in all walks of life. Tell that guy at work he’s doing a great job (if it’s the truth) and he’ll start looking at your favourably and, the key thing here, will tell others. You can’t lose.
Don’t brag about money
Men who go on about their possessions and how much they earn, or have in the bank, may well be matinee idols on the surface, but the ugliness is to the bone. It actually comes across as massive insecurity rather than attractiveness. Perhaps there’ll be some women out there who’ll see you as a project and want to fix you up and make you smile again, or other women who’ll be only too happy to help you spend your millions – but they’re into you for the wrong reasons. It’s a hollow victory.
Read more: How not to be rich
Be positive
It’s actually very important for your mental health that you air your grievances and talk through anything that’s bothering you. But surround yourself with too much negativity and it can be toxic, not only for your own well-being, but for anyone else around you. Seeing an upside to things, or recognising what’s going wrong but thinking of ways you can change it, is much more attractive than wallowing. Nobody ever felt the animal urge to undo their top button and slip off their shoes because someone said “Poor me”.
Learn what suits you and what you can get away with, but be daring too
A man who is confident in the way he dresses is much more attractive than someone who follows all the style rules and gets it “just right”. What you wear should reflect not only your ability to lock on to trends and the fact you have cash to splash –it’s about your personality too. I have a theory that the reason some men in their late Fifties suddenly start dressing like they covered themselves in superglue and rolled round a charity shop is a simple act of rebellion. For too long they fell into line, suppressed their personality and wore “what everyone else was wearing”. For years everyone told them what to wear, so now they’re free, they start dressing like a one-man bring-and-buy. Follow fashion, but find your own style. Much more attractive to be a man who does it his way.
Be nice to, and about, your exes
Unless the relationship was abusive, you should always try to be nice about your previous loves. Holding on to bitterness, and parroting it back to future partners, may be cathartic, but it’s kind of hideous. What will he say about me one day, your current squeeze may wonder. You don’t have to still have a relationship with them in particular, but if old wounds and new jealousies will allow, it might be worth a try. Resentment ages you; dismiss it.
Don’t substitute a gym membership for a personality
Look, I know there’s a big pressure to be buff these days. It’s crazy how bodies that were once only achievable by Hollywood stars are now strutting down every high street. A lot of men use going for it at the gym as a way to boost confidence, and that's great, but remember there’s no point having a banging body if a) you’re spending too much time at the gym to be off having some actual fun with it and b) you decide that’s all you need and let your personality slide. Your beautiful body is the mere shop-window – it can get people to look, but if you want people to buy what you’re selling, you’re going to need the patter to back it up. Nobody’s going to want you just because you’re buff, sadly. It takes more.
Learn that you’re not the centre of the universe
A man who appreciates the wants and desires of others, and that they might not be as easy to achieve as they are for him is beyond attractive. Understanding, compassion, and a willingness to change things for the good? Wow. Beautiful. Don’t go on about what a good guy you are all the time because that rings alarm bells. Walk the walk.
Humility is great, but fake modesty is gross
This is a fine line, because nobody likes a braggart, but overdoing the self-deprecation is also a massive no-no. A man who is confident about his achievements, but can acknowledge he still might have a way to go, is super-attractive. Celebrate how great you are, but make sure it’s not a party of one.
It’s the littlest things
A tasteful watch. A pocket square. Making someone a cup of tea. Being nice to your mum. Having a chat with a child. Stopping to pet a dog. Letting someone watch what they want to watch on the TV, even though you hate it. Saying sorry, even if it wasn’t your fault. Asking someone who’s crying on the bus whether they’re OK. But more importantly…
Wash behind your ears
You’ve no idea how many men forget this. Wash them every day. If someone’s going to come right in for a nuzzle, you want to smell your fresh best. If you’ve never experience what the back of an unclean ear smells like, you’re lucky.
